I would have to say that for the first time since we have been foster parents to two little girls I am truly ready to let them go. Sometimes, I feel as if that's selfish of me to say. It sounds as if I don't want to deal with them anymore (and trust me there are days I feel that way), but overall I want them to be able to go home. To be with THEIR mother. To have THEIR family.
I'm not always sure that those are the best "qualified" people to care for them, but I can assure you that the best place for a child is with their God-given family if in any way possible.
These girls have lived a life of limbo for almost 8 months now. Just think of how much of their lives that is (one is 4 and one is 1). That's a BIG chunk of their lives!!
Leading up to one court date, I couldn't imagine them letting them go back home. I honestly probably would have thought the judge was psycho had they let the girls go home, I thought they should be with us forever. Then leading up to another court date, I was getting tired and frustrated and had just gone through a second miscarriage. I honestly felt like I shouldn't have to take care of them anymore and was ready for the judge to say they were going home. That did not happen. Since then there have been times that I did not want them to go home EVER. I wanted to selfishly say that it would be better for them to stay with us and never go back to their family.
The beginning of December was quite a time for me. I was unbelievably emotional and had several up and down kind of days. Finally I realized that I think God is trying to teach me that these girls would be best off with THEIR family. If in anyway possible they NEED to be with their family. Also, I think God was trying to teach me that I have a sweet, smart, healthy little boy of my own and even if he is the only little one I ever get to truly call MINE, I should be happy. God entrusted that little boy to me and my husband and we can be overjoyed that he is ours.
So the girls have a court date coming up again. I have my doubts that they'll get to go home, but I really hope they can. From what I hear the parents are doing very well and I for the first time in this whole thing, the other day I saw the mom again and I saw her as a true MOM. Not some power-tripped lady that wanted to get back at the foster mom for taking her kids (not that I had anything to do with her kids getting taken away, but I felt like she felt I did.) Just as a regular human being, who just wants to see her kids.
I think God wants me to see that even if she isn't mother of the year award material, she might just still be deserving of having her kids back.
And that is just what the kids need.