Friday, May 16, 2014

Getting back on track

Earlier this year my life changed forever. My Mom told me she was sick, she thought it was cancer, but had not had it checked out yet. Then a little over 2 months ago, she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and it had already spread throughout her body. For 7 1/2 weeks she fought the fight, but her body couldn't take it any more and she has now passed on to a better place.
During this time we had 2 foster daughters who we thought were going to go home. They didn't go home the first time, they didn't go home the second time and now we are currently waiting for the third try to come around. 
I'm also pregnant, a wife and a mother to an energetic 4 year old.
Life has been crazy!
I used to have everything under control. I knew when all appointments were and when we need to have things done by. My paperwork was caught up and things were in order.
I've never really known the meaning of just surviving, but these past few months feel like I've only just been surviving. So it is time to start trying to get back on track. I need to get my paperwork caught back up to THIS month. I need to get back into my weekly cleaning routine. I need to get back into cooking good home cooked meals. I think your getting the picture here.
Surviving, is not a good place to be. I'm still on the fringes of it and it sucks, but in life we all go through times where its necessary to simply get through and do only the things that need to be done to get through. If you are in a time like this or are just coming out of one, let me encourage you to get back on track. I feel seriously overwhelmed trying to do so, but I can see with every small step I take to getting back on track that I feel better, feel somewhat normal again. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

And the whirlwind continues...

Well, I wish I could say that life has settled down. God has other plans. We buried my Mom a week ago yesterday. The girls are back again. They were supposed to go home two different times in the past month, but now will be in foster care for another month.
If I said I had it all under control and had it all together, I'd be a complete liar.
I'm pregnant, so I don't know if that making me more likely to just want to have a "normal" life again or what. I'm ready to be done with foster care and I don't feel like God is calling us to adoption right now like I felt a year ago.
My life will never be "normal" again without my Mom and we will be having a baby which will make life different also. Either way, I'm ready to not have to live by regulations of foster care, to welcome are baby into this world and work through the motions of not having my Mom there to meet her grandson.
 In foster care, you really live under the systems thumb so to speak.
First of all you, live under their time schedule. You are told that the kids will be picked up at such a time and then inevitably they are not picked up until an hour or two later because they have trouble with drivers.
You also have to live with all their silly little regulations. Not that their big changes to life, but locking up your medicines and having to dig out the key and unlock the container every time you need medicine isn't fun. We can't have a trampoline for our son because their prohibited by the foster care system. Do you know how annoying the outlet safety things are?! I didn't until I had to have one in every. single. outlet. We can't burn our wood burning stove in the winter because it could burn the foster children. We can't discipline in any way we see fit. At the end of the day, you just have to ask if it is all worth it. Trust me these girls are sweet and two of the greatest little girls I've known, but the system is jacking around with their situation and no one has any concern for what is best for THEM. That is the most annoying thing to me about the system. Everyone involved should have one concern and that is what is best for the children and what is the quickest way to get them in a stable environment. (In this case it would be letting them go home.)