Thursday, June 26, 2014

A journey's end

If you've been around this blog for a while you may remember that we became licensed foster parents a little over a year ago. We also had two adorable little girls come to live with us a little over a year ago. A year ago in May we were so excited to start this journey and see where it would lead us. I never dreamt this is where we'd be today.
Let me start out by saying that the foster care system is far more of a mess than I ever realized. I have learned that lesson time and time again in the past year. For one, there is barely any sense of organization or plan. Also, and this may not be true of every case, but in ours it seems that there are not any legal grounds for these girls to have been taken away. Now in the past 2 months they were supposed to go home 2 different times and one person who had limited involvement in the case kept them from being able to go home.
The more and more my husband and I have talked about our situation, we have decided that 1)foster care is not for us and 2) in this particular case we wouldn't feel right adopting, even if the girls came up for adoption.
As for number 1, foster care is not for us in the way that, we aren't the type of people that deal well with being told what to do. Most of the regulations and such that you have to follow to be in compliance for your license are not that big of a deal, but it is still a pain in our side. We also are the type of people that like to be able and pick up and go at a moments notice if we so choose. We have also gotten fed up with all the last minute notice of what is going on with the girls and having to literally be a "pain in the butt" to find anything out in a timely manner from the workers.
Now for number 2, we may or may not have all the facts, but from what we do know we doubt the reasons the girls were taken away in the first place and therefore would always have that in the back of our mind if we were to adopt. If I'm going to adopt, I want to know that the children were taken away for good reason or else were given up freely for adoption.
So all of that to say that we are closing our license. At this time my desire to adopt is not strong, I feel that God has led us down this road to show us a little what it is like to raise a child who is not biologically ours. We aren't sure if adoption is for us or not at this point. I also had come to the decision not more than 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, that I needed to be happy with my ONE child. God has blessed us with a happy, healthy, smart little boy and in December it hit me that there are all kinds of people out there just wishing they had just that and all I could do was wish for more. I believe that started me on the road to not being fully committed to adoption (not right now anyway). Then a couple of weeks later I found out I was pregnant...CRAZY!
So, since we do not feel led to adopt at this time, we see no reason to continue on in our foster care journey. Especially since we don't agree with the way the foster care system works and operates anyway. If we ever feel led to adopt again, I believe we will find another avenue.
There is a need for foster parents, but if you are feeling led to get involved with foster care, I highly recommend you talk to someone who has been there and done that before you jump in. We were required to take special foster parenting classes in order to get our license and they by no means painted a rosy picture of foster care, but they also did not tell us how corrupt the system was. I was completely unprepared for that. (Again, this may be more for our local system than overall, but in the case we've been involved in the only word that comes to mind is corrupt!)

So all this to say that we have come to the end of a journey and right now we are just a little family of 3, anxiously awaiting our journey down the road of being a family of four!